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By Lonni Wilson, on November 15, 2009, at 3:59 am | Category: Family News |  Well we finally made it to our 20 months and were able to get new cell phones on the cheap. We’d had PDA type phones over the past year, but had done away with the data plan. Unfortunately, that type of phone, in doing away with the data plan, eliminated our ability to picture message. Thus, we were no longer able to update our flickr account with cell phones.
But now we’re back at it. We’re not exactly sure that we like our new phones. Seems these phone companies keep stacking it against us. Now, almost all of their phones require data plans (course they’ve got a lower rate for non-pda phones, but still, it’s an extra $10 per month per phone). And we’re not so sure we shouldn’t have just gone for the iphone. But we’ve been avoiding it.
At any rate, we’ve posted a ton of new pictures on our flickr account. Please feel free to check it out.
By Lonni Wilson, on October 25, 2009, at 12:54 am | Category: Family News, Philosophizing | Lala’s been in town the past two weeks. That’s Melodia’s mother, Maria. The kids have called her Lala since they were little. Abuela (grandmother in Spanish) became La became Lala. And Grandpa Torres became Lalo.
 It’s been good to have her here. Unfortunately, I’ve been sick for what feels like the whole time. Sick now, too, and in need of bed. But I keep looking at the website wishing I blogged more. Then by the time I think to do it, I just jot down the surface stuff of life. But, I figure that’s better than nothing.
We’re down to the last 3 days of Lala’s visit, which is a bummer. We all love having her around. But I know her own hubby needs her back, too. Still, her presence reminds me of how challenging it is to live in a place without family.
I’ve been reminded all week that I haven’t seen my own parents in person in two years. How did that happen? Where did the time go? I mean, that’s just crazy. And they haven’t seen Izzabelle in person yet, either. And she’s past 1. Seems it’s always cheaper to go to Tampa than out to Vegas (and drive down to Kingman, Az), cheaper to see the Torres side than the Wilson side. But I have to figure out a way to see them soon. The kids need to see them. It’s just been too long.
 And we’ve just finished concluding that we cannot go anywhere for the Holidays. The budget’s a little tight and we need to stay put, resist the temptation to spend. I keep hoping my parents will find the time to come our direction, because their two tickets are cheaper than our four tickets to head out there.
But nothing’s easy. Mom’s working full-time these days, and it’s harder for them to cut out than it used to be. So here we are, two years later. But with Lala in town, I’ve been feeling it, and missing mom and dad. And I’m missing them for my kids, too. Wil can still remember sitting on dad’s backhoe last time he was out to Arizona. He brings that up whenever we talk about Grandpa and Grandma Wilson. But I need him to have some fresher memories. So I’ve got to work this one out.
At any rate, I’m just reminded tonight of how important family is, but not just our own immediate wife and kids, but our moms and dads. I continue to believe that one can never truly appreciate their own parents until they have kids of their own. I’m constantly amazed, when holding one of my little ones, to think that the way I feel, is the way my mom and dad felt about me. That they were where I am. Fascinating to me.
 And I can appreciate all the more what it took, and what it still takes (when they get older and move on). I can’t imagine Wil, McKinley, and Izzabelle being older, going to college, getting married, having kids… I can’t imagine Melodia and I in a quiet house, the kids all moved on. It just seems so far. And yet I’m reminded all the time by those around me… time flies, it’ll be gone before you know it, enjoy it while you have it.
So tonight, I held McKinley just a little bit longer when I hugged her before bed. I looked into her big green eyes as she said, “I love you, Papi,” and I wished it all wouldn’t go by so fast. Wished that time would slow. That my little girl would stay little, small enough for me to scoop up and hold tight. And I didn’t want to think about those days when she wouldn’t be that small anymore.
By Lonni Wilson, on October 4, 2009, at 2:38 am | Category: Philosophizing | A good man passed away on Friday at 3:15pm. I don’t really know how to write much past this sentence. But on the drive home tonight from a school activity, I just kept thinking that I needed to sit down and write a bit.
 I guess I should say, Robert Toland was a believer, a man of God, as I should lead with the hope in this story. The hope that means that death is not the end, but the beginning… that death is a homecoming, not a farewell. That Robert has gone on to stand with that great cloud of witnesses, that he now sees a sight for which many of us long.
Robert was a member of Crossroads Christian Church, the church we are also members of. We arrived at Crossroads just over a year ago, after Robert had already stopped regular attendance. Robert was diagnosed with colon cancer toward the end of 2007. It was a late diagnosis, and the disease had already metastasized. The doctors told him it was terminal.
See, the thing is, Robert Toland was only 30 when he learned this. He and his wife, Melanie, have three little girls: Morgan (2), Skyler (3), and Lilia (5). I didn’t know Robert personally. I only met him on a couple of occasions, and heard him share his journey, and his challenge. But from the moment I learned of his story, I dreaded this day.
Our church and a number of other organizations and individuals rallied around Robert. Last year, everyone got together to produce an extreme home makeover. You won’t see it on ABC, and Ty Pennington didn’t show up, but you can watch it here. They rebuilt the Toland’s house so that Robert could stay home as things got worse, and his mobility became limited, as he approached the end.
Robert and his family have been on my mind and in my prayers all summer. The home we almost purchased (the one that fell through this summer), it was less than a mile from the Toland’s house.
I have to admit, it’s been a long time since I’ve prayed so hard over one family, one man. And I awoke Saturday morning feeling a little depressed and disheartened, because, well, quite frankly, I wanted the miracle.
 I have 3 little kids. I am in my 30s. I have a wife I adore. I have it all. So what if it was all about to end? Robert’s having to face all that hasn’t been far from my brain the last few months. A year ago, I almost lost Melodia. I spent a night facing the thought of being alone, with 2 (or if Izzabelle made it, 3) kids. I wondered how I’d do it without her. And I really didn’t want to. Melodia came through it, and Izzabelle, too. But that process reshaped our hearts a bit. It stirred a bunch of things up; it made me re-think death’s reality. It made me a bit fearful.
In March, just 6 months past the trauma with Melodia and Izzabelle, 6 people, all in their 30s, that were either friends of mine, or friends of my friends, passed away. That, too, made me a bit fearful.
It’s funny (odd) the stories we hold on to. I mean, the older we get, the more we encounter death, the more real it becomes, or the more it becomes our reality, no longer untouchable, unimaginable, unattainable… it becomes more tangible,more common place, more frequent. Just after I graduated college, my favorite professor, Larry Finger, was diagnosed with cancer. I met with him, and we chatted for a bit about it, and how it was going. He told me that he’d prayed when his kids were little, “Lord, let me live long enough to see them graduate college.” His daughter had just recently graduated. He said to me, “I got what I asked for. I’ve much to be thankful for.” Larry Finger passed away less than a year after that conversation. I couldn’t do much that day, the day he died.
Today I busied myself with cleaning the house. Melodia was out for some “me” time. Izzabelle was napping, and Wil and McKinley were playing in the front yard with the neighbor kids. I just need something to do. I’ve been adding some worship and Christian music dvds to our collection. Just recently I added an old (recorded circa 1995, out on dvd 2002) Ray Boltz concert dvd – The Concert of a Lifetime. I popped that in to the dvd and had it playing while I cleaned.
I used to often say that much of my theology could be found in songs. A few artists have shaped my view of God and the Kingdom… Russ Taff, Rich Mullins, and Geoff Moore and the Distance probably had the greatest influence, but many other artists contributed a song or two to the cause of my theology. Ray Boltz has a couple, but the one that I wanted to hear, as I thought about Robert Toland was “Heaven is Counting on You.” Part of that song says,
“Many suffered friends even gave their lives
For the message of our Lord Jesus Christ
Now they’re watching they’re seated high up above
Shouting to us as we run
There is a race
There is a prize
There is a price to pay
And the saints beyond
Are cheering us on today”
The theology I’ve long held (or have wanted to hold, wanted to believe) is that those who’ve gone on before us, are indeed watching us, they’re watching us, and they’re cheering us on as we run this race.
 I remember when Rich Mullins died, I thought to myself, “Rich Mullins knows now. He knows what he’s always believed is indeed true.” He knows there’s a God, because he’s standing before Him; he’s with Him. And the very next thought that came to me was, “He knew then. Rich Mullins knew then, before he ever left this earth.” Neither death, nor Heaven, nor the sight of God changed what he knew… he always knew. One of Rich’s songs featured the line, “I’ll keep rockin’ until it’s my time to roll.” I loved that wordplay.
So I busied myself around the house, and I prayed. I prayed for Melanie and the kids.
This is one of those things that challenges my faith. Oh, I know, it shouldn’t. It should be pure rejoicing, a saint gone home… rejoice. But it isn’t. Perhaps I’m too attached to this world. Or maybe it’s that such a view seems a little too selfish (i.e., what about the people left behind? – I’m outta here, so rejoice). It’s likely some combination of those thoughts. This challenges my faith. 
I think about a wife watching her husband die. I think about her alone. I think about kids who can’t understand death, wondering where Papi is. I think about them growing up without him. I think about the four of them questioning God’s ability in all of this… His ability to perform the miracle vs. His hands-off, let it happen. I think about things that challenge my faith, and about things that make me a bit fearful. And I pray that losing him will not become a stumbling block to their own walk with Jesus, to their faith, to the reunion that awaits.
But I am sad today. And it’s ok if people say of me, “that seems pretty faithless.” For months now, Robert Toland has lived out on my biggest fears; and it has deeply saddened me that anyone would have to do that. Some things are just hard – no, they’re impossible – to understand in the Kingdom. Some things, I just can’t think on for too long, or they threaten to break me.
The Toland’s kept a journal on the Caring Bridge website. I read with sadness, Melanie’s words on Friday about Robert’s death.
“Robert passed away today around 3:15pm. Yesterday, Pastor Pat was visiting Robert and asked him if he was ready to meet the good lord. Robert answered, “Tomorrow”.
Maybe he knew somehow.
Today, while Denise, Chris, and I (his parents) were sitting with him, he said “I’m ready to say good-bye now”. Then he looked at each of us, and said good-bye individually. He told Denise and I ”please don’t say anything”. We weren’t really sure what to think about that comment, but looking back I think he just wanted to die peacefully (without a crowd watching) or maybe he didn’t want us to try to talk him out of it. I did make sure that I told him that the girls and I will be okay, that I will raise them godly women, and we have support around us to get us through.”
How do I read that without tears and extreme sadness? How do I rejoice? I know some Christians who are so ready to be rid of this world. I’m not one of them. Despite the sin, despite Satan, despite the divergence from the original design, there’s so much beauty here, such great wonder, and there’s friends… and family… spouses… and children.
 No, I’d like a long time with all of them. At the cost of putting off Heaven for many years? Yes, I think even at that cost. Oh to be sure, I don’t want to miss out on Heaven. No way. But our worldly knowledge doesn’t quite provide us more than hazy, blurred, black and white image of Heaven. Will we know each other or not? Will we notice who’s there and who isn’t? Will they’re be any memory of our time on Earth?
Such theological questions probably shouldn’t be of concern to the Heaven-bound, committed follower, but they are things I wonder. And I think, they’re the the unanswered things that make me wish to stay here for a while longer.
But even beyond my theology is this one simple fact. I’m a dad. When I wasn’t a dad, I didn’t get it. No one who isn’t a dad can. I’m sure of that. Becoming a dad is much like becoming a Christian. A new world opens up. One sees things as never before. It is indeed a rebirth of sorts. As a dad, my worldview is different than it once was. I look at much of what I see through my children and their experiences. At times, I get on my knees to pray for them. Other times, I get on my knees so I can see the world as they do.
Seriously, we forget, being older and taller, just how much they can’t see (like what’s on top of that table, or on the third shelf up, etc.). I pay attention to the things that make them smile, and to those that make them cry. And my heart hurts for them when they hurt; and I both despair and burn with deep anger when it seems like they’re being marginalized, ignored, mistreated, or otherwise dealt with by someone else.
And I guess, herein, you see the selfishness of my post tonight (or, at 1:30am, I should say, this morning). Because this isn’t an “in memoriam” of Robert Toland so much as it is my reflection on just how much it stinks to have Robert’s family lose him, to have his kids lose him, and on just how much I fear this for anyone else, including myself.
Robert’s death reminds me of so many things that are wrong with the world, and of the few that are right with it (like his wife, his kids, his friends). I didn’t want him to punch out. I wanted the miracle. For him, for his wife, for his kids, for all of us. And yes, for my kids.
From all I know, Robert was a good man, a beloved husband, a loved daddy, and he’s gone. I suffered through over a week of Michael Jackson memorials, memoriams, and media coverage. And yet, this is the lone printing – the extent of the coverage – of Robert Toland’s passing (as recorded in the Buffalo News):
Death Notice:
TOLAND – SSG Robert A. III nd7-9PMa
TOLAND – Ssg Robert A. Iii, U.s. Army October 2, 2009 of Sheldon, NY; beloved husband of Melanie Szubski Toland; dearest father of Lilia, Skyler and Morgan; loving son of Denise (Chris) Siracuse and Bob Jr. (Lisa) Toland; brother of Eric Toland, Charlotte and Anthony Siracuse, Mitchell, Amanda and Crystal Toland; grandson of Editha Germain and Sara Olson; also survived by many aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and one nephew. Friends may call Tuesday 2-4 and 7-9 PM at the WOOD FUNERAL HOME, 784 Main Street, East Aurora. Funeral services will be held on Wednesday at 10 AM at the Crossroads Christian Church, 1050 Girdle Rd., Elma, NY (please assemble at church). Interment in St. Cecilia’s Cemetery, Sheldon, NY. Robert was assigned to the U.S. Army Warrior Transition Unit, West Point, NY. Donations to the Christian Youth Corps, 9579 Main St., Machias, NY 14101. Donations and sentiments can be made at www.caringbridge.org.
This, to me, is one of the great ironies of this world, one of the “wrong” things.
And I know I’m going to be sad for yet a while longer. Maybe, until I’ve no time left on this rock… like the sadness I have when I think of Larry Finger. My heart breaks at the thought of the days (and nights) that yet face Melanie, Lilia, Skyler, and Morgan. It just isn’t right that it should be so. How do we reconcile it? I don’t know. But I do know that tonight, I prayed for God to cheat.
I know we have free will (well, according to a good chunk of theology). And I know that, people choose their own path, they can choose to believe or to ignore it all. They can choose God or no God. Faith or no faith. Believe Jesus was more than just a carpenter or believe it isn’t so. People choose. But tonight I prayed for God to cheat. I prayed for him to “tip the scales” – for the Toland family. I prayed that He’d make it impossible for them to doubt, disbelieve or walk away. That He’d stand someone at every choice that threatened a path of disbelief. I prayed that He would tip the scales so that they would have their reunion with their husband and daddy. And I prayed that such a prayer wouldn’t disqualify me from the Kingdom, and wouldn’t dishonor God – but that He would see fit to use this as an opportunity to demonstrate His great mercy.
I pray more and more these days for Mercy and Grace. I pray often that the story of the thief on the cross (Luke 23:43) is not merely about the timing of salvation as it is about Grace and Mercy. I pray often that God’s Grace and Mercy outweighs His wrath. And as I think about the Toland family (and for others with stories like theirs), I pray that He makes it impossible for Melanie, Lilia, Skyler, and Morgan to walk away, fall away, or otherwise miss the Kingdom as they make and live out their choices on this rock. And I pray for a complete renuion for them, in the Kingdom.
Lord, tuck those kids in every night since their daddy is no longer able to – Lord, hug them, hold them, and do this for Melanie, too. Thwart any attempt by the Evil One or by anyone to cause them to stray, to doubt You, to doubt Your love, or to doubt Robert or his. Let them always remember his love, and Your love. Be over them as a cloud, and move where they move… until finally, they, too, are taken up to be with You. And I pray that Melanie’s final words to her husband, “I did make sure that I told him that the girls and I will be okay, that I will raise them godly women, and we have support around us to get us through.” – will be realized in full. Make it so, Lord, make it so.
And for those of you reading this, I pray you will join me in praying for Melanie, Lilia, Skyler, and Morgan. Pray also for me and for the Wilsons, that we would live our love and arrive at the same Grace and Mercy.
By Lonni Wilson, on September 26, 2009, at 6:31 pm | Category: Philosophizing |  I was responding to a friend tonight and wrote about being a parent. Re-reading it, wow, this sounded like Wilson the philosopher, circa 1993, back when I was “deep” and could still write, or had the time to, or cared to. I miss writing. At any rate, I thought I’d toss it out on the blog.
My kids are making me gray(er) fast(er)! Ridiculous. They’re beautiful and precious, and at times devious and unenjoyable. Ah, the ups and downs of parenting. It’s crazy. But at night, when I tuck them in, and the world is silent, I know that being a dad, their dad, is exactly right. The world has order and meaning. Whispers of “good night, Papi, I love you” affirm this to me.
By Lonni Wilson, on September 14, 2009, at 12:18 am | Category: Family News | We moved into a townhouse on a month-to-month rental while we continue to house hunt. We’re desperately trying not to unpack boxes other than the essentials. And yet still trying to unpack enough to feel like we’re not just in a hotel. The kids are enjoying the townhouse and having their own space. We’ve got a nice dry basement here that we’ve put a few rugs down in and moved all their toys, including their bikes into. They’ve been having a blast playing down there.
In the meantime, it’s back to school for me. I just finished teaching my first week of the new school year. I have a five-day-per-week course load this semester. Most other semesters, I’ve only taught on MWF. But this semester I’ve got three classes on TR and two on MWF. Four is our full load, but I picked up an extra course for the semester… we’ll take the overload (i.e., overtime) pay.
Startup is always busy, so I don’t feel very settled. Our to-do list seems always longer than our available time or energy. Energy is the key thing right now. We put the kids to bed at 8pm and we’re ready to sleep ourselves. I can’t believe I’m up writing this update after midnight, but I wanted to post something of an update since it’s been a while.
Melodia’s brother has been deployed and is serving overseas now in a hotzone. His name is Israel, so please add him to your prayer list. Wil and McKinley have been beautiful praying for their Tio while he’s away. The other night Wil prayed, “Help Tio not to be scared, and help him to come home safe.” It’s hard not break down a little listening to this 4-year-old pray sometimes. We miss Tio dearly, and think of him every day during this time. Lord, keep him safe.
Melodia is back at it, homeschooling Wil and McKinley. They love being in “school” every day. She’s been adding to her curriculum purchases, and has one of the townhouse rooms set up as the school room. In addition, we’ve bought some Spanish curriculum to try to help them maintain some of their heritage.
Speaking of heritage, today we had our friends, The Ottos, over. Keith and Cheryl have 5 kids. We enjoy getting together with them. We had a tea set that we bought for their oldest daughter at a recent garage sale. It was a fun find, and I’d been searching for a tea set for her for over a month. Found a Noritake set, dated between 1914 and 1940, a cup, saucer, and dessert plate. It has a beautiful green band around the rim, and some extensive gold work on it. Some internet research probably puts it at a value of $50 to $175. Not that we were in it for value – we bought it to give away. And we got it for a steal, $5. But for their daughter, Kara, it was priceless. Feels so good to give something to someone. But I departed from my earlier segway… speaking of heritage… Melodia prepared Ensalada de Bacalao for the Ottos. Yummy stuff. She needs to make that more. In fact, we’re hoping to have more Puerto Rican dishes cooked around here in the future. It’s been hard at times, and we’re both often tired, but we’re recognizing that need in ourselves a little more these days.
And finally, Izzabelle is walking. She’d made her first couple of steps a few weeks ago, just after her first birthday. She does pretty good now, splitting her time about 50-50 maybe 60-40 between walking and crawling. She seems to love walking. It’s great to see.
I teach tomorrow. I need to cut it short. Hope this update finds everyone well.
By Lonni Wilson, on August 28, 2009, at 9:30 am | Category: Family News | Wow, just looked at our blog and realized that we last posted on August 5. Whew! We seem to do little here and rely more on Facebook status updates. Of course, with those, we only get a few lines. Here on the blog, we can cover much more.
We’re still homeless, for a few days yet. Here’s the saga of what happened. We’d been under contract to buy a home (as shown in the previous posts) since July 10. We’d been waiting to close on it, and our seller had dragged their feet a bit. The seller had been trying to close on a short sale (I don’t think they realized that short sales aren’t going anywhere right now). They’d made an offer in May on this short sale, and were trying to stay in their home as long as possible before moving out.
On three different occasions, we asked them about doing a rent-back so that we could get into the house while we waited to close. Our apartment gave us the boot on July 31. They have a policy about leases and keep every tenant on 12-month leases instead of going month-to-month. So they wouldn’t let us stay for August, etc. Now, there are several ironies in the story as I tell it. Here’s one: our old apartment still sits vacant. So while we’ve been homeless, bouncing from house to house with friends, the apartment that we would have gladly stayed in until we closed is empty, with no one paying rent. That’s enough to make a person very bitter. Seriously, you’d rather have no rent than a tenant stay an extra couple of months off lease? Sometimes, I think that there are many people who don’t know how to run businesses.
So we had to be out of our apartment July 31 and knew we wouldn’t close until mid-August. As a result, we’d asked the seller for the rent-back. But they wanted to stay in their place. And as we had to get certain things done (like a test on the well/septic), they took their time scheduling everything so as to drag out the close (all the while hoping to close on their short sale).
On Thursday, August 20th, I received a call from my lawyer saying he’d received a fax from the mortgage company that looked like our mortgage fell through. Now, I’d been on the phone with my contact, the previous Friday, Monday and Wednesday and had heard nothing. So I called the mortgage company. I was told that it fell through last Friday, with one of those, “didn’t anyone here call you?” “Uh, no.”
So I drove to the mortgage company to get them face to face. As it happened, the V.P. came out to chat with me. When she realized why I was there, she ushered me into a conference room. (I later understood that she fully expected me to blow my top and start yelling).
In the conference room, I learned this: the company (which is a broker) had only one lender who did mobile/modular homes. Apparently, it is really tough to get financing on these types of homes right now. Very few companies are doing it, and many who were, have quit. Ironic, because, as you drive through the country out here, there’s a good number of mobiles on acres of land. And lots of them on the market. So it turns out, owning a mobile/modular right now is not good, if you wish to sell it.
At any rate, the lender they had brokered our loan to, that was giving us 5.0% at 15 years, quietly closed their doors the previous Friday. They just up and shut their doors. The V.P. said that she thinks Bank of America is negotiating to take them over now. But that meant that our loan was dead, because it hadn’t been issued. And it meant that our mortgage broker had no way of servicing any customers purchasing mobile/modulars. And they knew about this a week ago (I was sitting there on Thursday, and they’d known since Friday). And the woman liaisoning between me and the underwriters, didn’t have a clue this happened, because she had updated me Friday/Mon/Wed on issues. Talk about left-hand, right-hand confusion.
So as I sat calmly with the V.P., listening to all this and asking questions, she stopped me and said, “you’re so calm. Thank you for not yelling at me.” I laughed. I guess she’d expected a different response. I told her, “you know, that won’t help. I think you all did several things wrong here, and really demonstrated poor customer service, but yelling at you won’t resolve anything, except to maybe send you home in a bad mood, too. Let’s just have one of us go home in a bad mood today.”
I mean, really, I guess it might have been fun to be pissed and scream, and don’t get me wrong, the broker has been so inefficient at times, it’s ridiculous. But really, I was over being angry and further along in the stages of grief. Lol.
I did fill her in on some processes that bugged me, and I told her that if I ran a business like her office is run, we’d be out of business. In my day job, I teach the business of management at the college level. We spend a good deal of time on efficiency and on customer service.
Let me give you a classic example from this process, of which there are a few. One of the requirements the underwriters wanted fulfilled was a structural engineer’s certification of the foundation. Now, when I applied, I asked the person I was working with what other items I might need to do, so I could get them started, or collect the paperwork, do inspections, etc. to be ready to close quickly. He said, “oh, we’ll just see what the underwriter comes back with; everything looks good so far.” Yeah, ok.
So when the underwriter came back with their 16 different requirements (some were forms to sign, others papers to collect and turn in, and a couple were inspections), one was for a structural engineer to do 2 things: 1) certify that the foundation met all HUD requirements for mobile/modulars and 2) verify the basement floor was above the 100-year flood plain. We paid an inspector to come do this, and he submitted his report to the company.
Now each phase in this process (i.e., submitted stuff) takes about 2-3 days for the underwriter to review and respond. So a few days later, the underwriter says, 3) we need the business card from the engineer. So we did that. Another 2-3 days later, 4) we need a copy of his engineers certification. Another 2-3 days later, ok, we’re all set.
Listen, first, I sat with the loan officer in the beginning, and he gave me no idea of what we could do to hurry the process. When I asked him about this requirement from the underwriter, he said, “oh yes, the structural engineer certification of the foundation is standard on mobile/modulars.” I said, “oh, so when I asked you what else I could do, and this is standard, why didn’t you tell me so we could have it done. In the end, this process took longer than it should have; and I gave this example to the V.P. as I sat with her. Why didn’t the underwriter say, “we need these 4 things”? To come back after we’ve done the 2 they said we needed, and spend a week on minutia because they didn’t just say, “we need these four things” upfront was ridiculous.
Seriously, as I sat there, I thought 2 things: 1) how do any of these people have jobs, and 2) these people having these jobs is exactly why the industry crumbled. Seriously, if you’re this inefficient on the loan end, imagine all the other mistakes/errors that occur in the other departments (banking/financial/investing, etc.).
Bottom line here though, the property we wanted to buy was basically unmortgageable at this point. The V.P. made calls to several other institutions to see if they are loaning for mobiles/modulars and got us two banks we could talk to –which would require us to start the whole application/loan process from square one. That coupled with some other factors made us decide to not pursue this further. And thus, by the next afternoon, Friday, Aug. 21, we knew we were no longer under contract, not closing in 4-5 days as we’d expected, and still homeless.
So the weekend became a desperate rental search, because this journey has been hard enough for one month. We can’t live out of a suitcase, house-hopping for another month with 3 kids 4 and under, even if we went immediately under contract on a new property (which we’ve yet to find and we’ve seen 12 houses in the last 5 days!).
But back to this property, here’s the great irony. Had the sellers hurried OR had the mortgage company been more efficient, we would have had our closing prior to the lender going out of business (our original close was scheduled between the 10-15th of August). So now, this poor seller, has no sold home, probably greatly blames us for taking their house off the market for 40 days, and had they just not dragged their feet, or given us the rent-back, we’d have either closed before the lender dissolved or we’d have had the wherewithall to keep pursuing other options (because if we’d have been in the house, we’d have done everything to stay in the house). In the end, we walk away from the sale on a property that is apparently extremely hard to mortgage, and we look like the bad guys. Our only hope is that the seller learned something. If they knew what we now know, they’d probably take just about any offer that came in on the property, and they’d move out and do a rent-back asap!
Where does all this leave us? We found a townhouse that will let us rent month to month. That was a journey in itself. Everyone here wants a 12-month lease. And New York has a law that we didn’t know about that is now killing us. Most of the apartments around us (like 90%) are 2 bedroom. We have three kids. The law in NY on apartments is 2 persons per bedroom max. So as a family of 5, no one will rent us a 2 bedroom apartment. So we must either get a 3 bedroom, a townhouse, or go with a private renter.
That made for a stressful 4.5 days of apartment/townhouse searching. Rent for 2 bedrooms apts. here runs $650-800… townhouses and 3 bedrooms run $1000-1500. So we’re being penalized for not being the traditional two-kid family. Great. Yep, chalk the extra $300-500/month up to the cost of having the kid. We were so mad as we called around and got told no on the family of 5 in a two bedroom. Our kids all sleep in the same room, they’re toddlers. What a crazy little roadblock for a family with more than 2 kids. Annoying.
But when the world seems to conspire against you, it goes all out.
We’re now staying with another set of friends until the townhouse is ready (they’re trying to have it done by Sep. 1 – painting, carpet, etc.) And we’re house hunting all over again. Our new rent is $400 over what it once was, and $200 over what our mortgage would have been (taxes and insurance escrowed). Plus, we’re out about $700 in inspections and lawyer fees, etc. for all the paperwork done on the home that just fell through. The V.P. said they’d refund our appraisal fee though because of the inconvenience, etc. One $300-$350 bright spot in all this. But still, we’ve lost and our losing some money on the whole process.
Oh, and did I mention that we sold our previous home 15 months ago, so O’Bama’s little plan to help Americans like us completely missed. We don’t get $8k off any home we purchase because we have owned in the last 36 months. Ridiculous. In fact, we missed out on the $12k in government money we could have had. Before cash for clunkers, we donated our clunker to a high school’s automotive program and bought a new vehicle. Yeah, lost $4k there. And you know, we have debts, too. (student loans). We could have used a break somewhere.
My rant for the year will be how all of the politician plans to stimulate the economy, etc. have completely missed this middle class family who is continuing to “stimulate” the economy in spite of it. Thanks. But seriously, when’s our handout coming?!
That’s the story on what’s happened to us. No home purchase. Now back to looking. On the plus side, if we find something in the month, we’re already half completed in the underwriting process with our mortgage company (and yes we may stay with them despite it all) because all of our credit history, paperwork, documents, etc. are in their hands. Only the house needs to be appraised, inspected, approved by them. Of course, finding a house right now, isn’t as easy as it sounds. We don’t want just anything. If we’re going to miss out on $12k this year, and lose $1k or more on the failed purchase plus rent, darn it all, we want the dream! We don’t want to settle for the “next best house.”
Lord, guide us and help us as we move forward!
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